1 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:33,200 DAD HUMS Oh! 2 00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:43,520 ENGAGED TONE How?! 3 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,240 How is that possible?! Eh? 4 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:48,080 I can't get through to the doctor's. 5 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:50,560 Ha, I have already told you, 6 00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:53,880 there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. 7 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:57,400 It's Richard Pritchard 8 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,600 calling on behalf of Ken Pritchard. 9 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:01,320 I do not consent. 10 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:03,920 Ignore that. Where's my black pudding gone? 11 00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,960 Yeah, no, no, sorry, I'm still here, 12 00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:10,760 I was just wondering if Dr Roach had any emergency appointments today? 13 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:13,480 I don't suppose you'd know the whereabouts 14 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,880 of my black pudding, would you? I binned it. 15 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:17,360 It'd been in there for ages. 16 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:20,800 Yeah, no, sorry, I'm here, I'm here. Erm... 17 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:23,520 Yeah, well, he was in pain through the night 18 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:25,640 and I'd just like a doctor to look over him. 19 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,120 Dad, it was the outside bin. 20 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:31,560 No, you're not seriously... 21 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:33,760 Sorry, no, I am still here. 22 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,080 How much of an emergency out of ten? 23 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:38,720 And that's a medically recognised scale, is it? 24 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:41,600 It might be in here... 25 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,960 Hey, hey, hey! 26 00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:46,120 Ho-ho! I'm going to say ten. 27 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:02,800 Oh, look. 28 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:04,240 And action. 29 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,000 Oh, a film crew. 30 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:10,400 Oh, here, why don't you pop over there 31 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:12,000 and ask them for a job? 32 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:15,440 Ask them for a job? Aye. 33 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:17,040 You really don't have a clue, do you? 34 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,120 It's probably some documentary or something. 35 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:21,720 Is that not that Lydia Bartlett there? 36 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:25,800 Dad, Lydia Bartlett is not in Forres. 37 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:30,560 What is Lydia Bartlett doing in Forres? 38 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:32,920 She's actually a really good actress, her. 39 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,320 Dad, she is a great actor. 40 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:36,920 Hmm, well... 41 00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:38,840 ..I like her films anyway. 42 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,040 Well, you've clearly never seen any of her theatre work. 43 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:43,560 She's one of the main reasons I became an actor. 44 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,840 Oh, is that a fact? Oh. 45 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:47,680 Are you coming in here, or what? 46 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:50,120 I mean, you're the one that dragged me here in the first place. 47 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:51,760 Yeah, all right, Dad. 48 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,720 Charlie? 49 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:06,040 Charlie? Ha, I thought it was you. 50 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:08,520 Is that the piles back again, are they? 51 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:14,320 Aye, they must be. Poor sod, he can't even sit down. 52 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,480 Yeah, the poor sod's got to put up with you shouting out 53 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:20,480 his medical conditions to the whole waiting room. 54 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:22,400 Shouting them out? 55 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,800 Listen, we've all got something wrong with us 56 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:26,560 if we're in here, haven't we? 57 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,800 Apart from me, that is. You're fine, are you? 58 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,720 I am indeed. I hear you farting when you get up for a pee 59 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:33,280 in the middle of the night. 60 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,480 It's like someone standing on a bag of ducks. 61 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:36,920 It's not normal. 62 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:40,440 Oh, well, thank you very much for blurting that out. 63 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,600 Ken? Would you like to come through? 64 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:44,040 Oh. 65 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:49,160 Well, he's had this pain in his jaw for the last week, 66 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,840 and now it's gone into his shoulder. 67 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,120 So, you've come to the professional, hmm? 68 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,720 All right, Ken, if you just unbutton your shirt a little for me there. 69 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,240 Right. 70 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,160 See, that way I can place the stethoscope 71 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,040 directly against the skin, 72 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:09,120 not just through the clothes like you do on Detective Manners. 73 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,120 Oh, do I? It's just common sense, really, 74 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,320 cos the clothes would block the sound, so... 75 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,840 Oh, sorry, I didn't realise, I just do what the script tells me. 76 00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,040 Oh, what the script tells you? 77 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:21,000 I see. 78 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,600 OK, we will take your blood pressure next. 79 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,160 Eh? Pop your sleeve all the way up for me there. 80 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,200 Yep. There you are. 81 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,160 Do you see where I'm placing this? 82 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:32,640 Erm, yep. Directly in line with the heart. 83 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:35,160 This position will yield the most accurate results. 84 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,600 I have witnessed your character taking people's blood pressures 85 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:42,840 on occasion whilst the patient has been lying on their side, 86 00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:44,680 and I'm sorry, but we just wouldn't do that. 87 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,240 Yeah, but it's just... We wouldn't do that, though. 88 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:49,240 But it was a TV show, 89 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,240 and I was just doing what the script told me... 90 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:53,200 The script told you. Sure. 91 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:56,560 Let me ask you, if the script told you to jump off a bridge, 92 00:04:56,560 --> 00:05:00,400 would you do it? Well, if my character had to jump off a bridge. 93 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,440 Right, well, another thing that you do wrong is you never use 94 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:04,800 a defibrillator on a patient whose heart has already stopped. 95 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,760 I feel like I really shouldn't have to say this, 96 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:09,680 but I am not a real doctor. 97 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:14,480 Well, I was very convincing in our local am-dram's production of Cats. 98 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,320 I'm not a cat. 99 00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:20,200 Actually, we're doing Seven Brides For Seven Brothers next. 100 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,480 Our group is on the lookout for some new male members, 101 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:24,160 if you would be interested. 102 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,240 Are you OK? You look ill. BEEPING 103 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:29,680 Oh. 104 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:33,080 OK, that is a little higher than I'd like. 105 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:36,440 So, are you going to be doing that other thing, the other test? 106 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:38,440 Hmm? You know, the one that's... 107 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,360 Hoo-hoo! Ha. 108 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:41,920 You know, the... Ooh! 109 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,320 Dad, some words might help. 110 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:46,880 Well, you know, the... You know the... 111 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:50,400 Hmm. Oh. 112 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:56,080 Ooh, ooh. I-I think he means the rectal exam, 113 00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:57,520 or at least I hope he does. 114 00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,640 I do, aye. Not today, Ken. 115 00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:02,040 What exactly do you mean by today? 116 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,680 What I am going to do is send you home with a stress monitor 117 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:07,360 for a few days so we can keep an eye on things. 118 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:09,920 But how is everything else? How are we mentally? 119 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,400 Mentally? Well, well, just... 120 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:16,960 A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, 121 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:20,120 Q, U... T, V, W, X, Y, Z. 122 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:23,760 The alphabet? 123 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:25,320 I'm not sure that proves anything. 124 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:27,280 It proves he doesn't know it. 125 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:33,200 Hi, it's Richard Pritchard for Sally Monteith. 126 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:38,240 Well, she can't keep ignoring my calls. 127 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:40,120 Who's she in a meeting with now? 128 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,080 Adam Woodyatt? 129 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:46,160 What, I'm lower in the pecking order than Ian Beale now? 130 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:50,320 Oh, can you just tell her I'm on the line, then she might take the call? 131 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,800 Right, there's no need to laugh! 132 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,840 HE SIGHS 133 00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,880 Dad! What, did you not want a cup of tea? 134 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:01,360 Oh, my phone! Oh, perfect! 135 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:03,040 What if my agent calls back? 136 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:05,440 I was going to ask her to find out about the Lydia Bartlett project 137 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:08,240 and see if she could get me onto it. So, you didn't want a cup of tea? 138 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,360 It's not about the tea, you've broken my phone! 139 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:13,400 Would you like a little go of my stress monitor? 140 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,520 Because I'll tell you what, it's driving me up the wall! 141 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,840 Right, just stop pulling at the wires, you're going to break it. 142 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:20,360 Ooh! Argh! 143 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,640 BEEP Oh! Is that the...? 144 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,280 That's your fault! My fault?! BEEP 145 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:28,160 Right, what do we do if it keeps...? BEEP 146 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,000 It doesn't like your voice! 147 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,240 Oh! Oh, wow, that is priceless. 148 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:35,040 What, I stress YOU out? REPEATED BEEPS 149 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,880 Right, I'm calling Dr Roach. 150 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:38,640 Argh! 151 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:41,160 Where's the house phone? RAPID BEEPING 152 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,880 Right, just, er... 153 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:45,120 Just stay calm. Where's the house phone?! 154 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:47,160 HORN TOOTS 155 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:49,200 That's the taxi here, Dad, for the hospital. 156 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:50,640 Just stay calm. 157 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:52,880 That's exactly what Dr Sparrow would say on your show, 158 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:54,920 and as usual, it's wrong. HORN TOOTS 159 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:57,480 Don't give instructions on how Ken should feel, 160 00:07:57,480 --> 00:07:59,160 just ask what you can do to help. 161 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:00,960 No! Put it back. 162 00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,120 HORN TOOTS Yeah, all right, mate! 163 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:05,640 If you can't keep calm, then how do you expect your dad to? 164 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,920 Yeah, all right, you're right. 165 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,440 I'm sorry. 166 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:13,680 Are you winding me up?! We're going to the hospital, not the seaside! 167 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:15,240 Yeah, but you don't know how long 168 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,560 we're going to be waiting around for. Would you please...? 169 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:19,840 HORN TOOTS Nice and calm. 170 00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:23,840 Put the bat and balls down. 171 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:27,080 Richard, put me on speakerphone. BEEP 172 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,200 Everything is going to be OK, Ken. 173 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,400 This is just a precaution, that's all. 174 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:34,360 Now, I need you to get into the taxi with Richard, 175 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,760 and if he has any medical suggestions for you on the way 176 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:39,280 to completely ignore them. 177 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:42,560 Thank you, doctor. BEEP 178 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:44,600 Come on, Dad, it's going to be fine. 179 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,720 HORN TOOTS Why are you still beeping?! 180 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:53,600 Me or the taxi? 181 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:05,200 I could sue this chicken under the Trade Descriptions Act. 182 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,120 Then don't eat it. 183 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,600 RICHIE CHUCKLES 184 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,720 DAD CHUCKLES 185 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:18,760 What's so funny? 186 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,840 Oh, it's just this article, it's Marina Hyde. 187 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,480 Is she a comedian, is she? No, journalist. 188 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,840 Read it out, then, I love a good joke. 189 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:30,200 It's not really a joke, it's more a pithy observation. 190 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,040 I like them too. 191 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:38,400 OK, the article is about the decline in manufacturing, 192 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,480 but she says that's not true, because the political parties 193 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:46,040 in this country are the best in the world for manufacturing outrage. 194 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,160 Oh, yeah. 195 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:53,760 Oh, well. Ah. 196 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,360 Have another wee go at this chicken, where we were. 197 00:09:58,320 --> 00:09:59,880 Oh. 198 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:04,040 Ah! Oh, here, did I tell you? 199 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:07,400 Kathleen Rutherford's son had a wee girl. 200 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,440 She's called Pippa. They're going to call her Pippa. 201 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:12,280 8lb, 11oz. 8lb, 11oz. 202 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,360 Thick black mop of hair. 203 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:16,640 With a head of hair, thick black mop. 204 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:20,120 Do you see the point I'm trying to make here? 205 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,720 Ah, I've told you that already, have I? 206 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,840 You chain tell it. 207 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,680 You barely put out the last one. 208 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:32,560 Remind me about this EBCGD thing. 209 00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:35,480 ECG. 210 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:37,560 That's the one, what is it? 211 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:40,040 ECG, what is it? 212 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:43,720 "An electrical cardiogram is a simple noninvasive test 213 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:47,160 "that records the electrical activity of your heart." 214 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:48,800 And why are they looking at my heart for? 215 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:51,440 Well, they're looking at everything, aren't they? I hope not. 216 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:54,520 Dad, you're not going to get a rectal exam, 217 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:56,240 at least I don't think you are. 218 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,120 Oh, thank you very much for that. 219 00:10:58,120 --> 00:10:59,920 I'm not pushing for it! 220 00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:03,960 Oh, is that better? Is that better? 221 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,760 Is that better? There we go. Anything else you want? 222 00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:09,000 Hi, Emily, how you doing? You all right? 223 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,160 Because, yeah, I mean he, like... You know, he... 224 00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,400 I think he's fine, and then you'll probably, you know... 225 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,120 But, I mean, I'm fine, so... 226 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:19,440 Do you want me to take you down to the stroke unit while I'm here? 227 00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,240 This seems to happen quite a lot. 228 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:23,520 Yeah! Yeah, sorry, erm... 229 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:25,720 It does. It's funny, actually, cos normally I wouldn't... 230 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:28,200 You know, it's not something I often... 231 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,080 Erm... But, yeah, so don't... 232 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,200 I-I don't know why I'm doing it again. 233 00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:37,640 Oh, my God, it's true, they're letting just about anyone 234 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:39,400 in here these days. 235 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:42,240 Who do I complain to? I've been in here for an hour and a half 236 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:45,040 and I haven't had a cup of tea yet. Dad, that's not her job. 237 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:47,440 Oh, Emily knows I'm only joking. 238 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,000 Here, would you like a wee go at my chicken, 239 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,600 I've only had a couple of bites. 240 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,200 She doesn't want your leftovers. 241 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,680 I know they don't pay you nurses nearly enough. 242 00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:58,360 Dad! It's fine, I'll join you. 243 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,600 Milk and two, right, Mr Pritch? 244 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,240 Thank you, my darling. 245 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,560 Anything for you? No, I'm fine, thanks. 246 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:10,360 You are a useless lump. 247 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:13,800 What do you mean? Allow me to give you a wee bit of fatherly advice. 248 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,320 If you let her slip through your fingers, 249 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,840 you're a bigger dafty than I thought. 250 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:21,200 She is a lovely looking girl, 251 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:24,600 and you look like you won your face on a scratch card. 252 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:26,320 What are you saying, that...? 253 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,200 Should I go and help her? By Jove, I think he's got it. 254 00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:35,680 Scratch card? Just go! 255 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:46,560 I'm really sorry to bother you, but would you mind if I got a photo? 256 00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:48,880 Er, no, fine. Yeah. 257 00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:52,520 Thank you so much. My pleasure. 258 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:55,960 My gran really fancies you, so this is going to make her day. 259 00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:57,200 Ah. 260 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:01,000 I really wish that hadn't happened. 261 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,880 Oh, I'm really glad it did. Mm. 262 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,600 Does that happen a lot? Mainly in Forres. 263 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,600 But we're in Elgin. 264 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:10,680 Oh, my God, you've gone international now. Ah. 265 00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:13,080 Would you ever ask an actor for a photo? 266 00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:15,880 You know, if it was...Tom Cruise? 267 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:18,000 If Tom Cruise was in Forres? 268 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,960 Right. Yeah, it could happen. 269 00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:21,400 Er, nah. 270 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:25,000 I don't think I'd ask any actor I really admired for a photo, 271 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:28,000 it's admitting you'll never be good enough to work with them. 272 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,720 Just like a member of the public. 273 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:31,920 Oh, God, yeah. Can you imagine? 274 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:33,360 Scum, aren't they? 275 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,360 What are you up to tonight? Nothing. 276 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:39,200 Just... Well, erm... 277 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,000 Basically just be chilling. 278 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:44,840 OK, great. Erm, don't judge, but I joined the local am-dram group 279 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:48,160 last year, and I'd really love it if you came tonight. 280 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,280 Thanks, but Seven Brides For Seven Brothers 281 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,120 is really not my type of thing. 282 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:55,440 Yeah, no, I'm not asking you to audition, you muppet. 283 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,840 No, we had this amazing guest speaker lined up, 284 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,080 everyone was really buzzing. 285 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:01,720 It was Lydia Bartlett. 286 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,720 Lydia Bartlett? Mm-hm. 287 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,760 In the same room as Forres Fespians? 288 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:08,360 Yeah. Well, she's up here filming Who Do You Think You Are? 289 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:10,600 Oh, that's what she's doing. Mm-hm. 290 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,840 If she's got roots here, I'm screwed. 291 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,760 What, because you won't be the most famous person 292 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:16,720 in the village any more? No. 293 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:20,200 Yes. 294 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:21,800 It's all I've got! Mm. 295 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,800 Well, anyway, she's just pulled out, everyone's really bummed, 296 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:28,160 so I was thinking maybe you could step in. 297 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:29,920 Erm... 298 00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:34,480 You've always said amateur dramatics is beneath you. 299 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:38,080 No, I haven't. I mean, it is, but it'd be different this time. 300 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:40,400 I'd be there as a... 301 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,000 ..as an expert. 302 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,320 Yeah, I'd be imparting wisdom. 303 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,360 Maybe you could teach them all how to drink their tea 304 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:48,280 without making too much noise too. 305 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,880 Oh, come on, Dad! I need this. 306 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:53,240 I need to feel like an actor again. 307 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:54,800 I need to feel like I'm ... 308 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,080 Better than everybody else? Exactly. 309 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:58,920 What? No. 310 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:01,040 So, basically, Richard what you're asking is 311 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:04,400 if it's OK to leave me, your poor old dad, 312 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:08,120 lying here all alone in this hospital bed 313 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:11,640 while you pop off and have your ego stroked? 314 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:14,080 That's basically it, yeah. 315 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:17,320 Go on, away you go. Oh, you sure? 316 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:20,440 I mean, you'll probably be home by the time I'm done anyway. 317 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:22,280 I've already said yes. 318 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:23,800 OK, thank you. 319 00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,320 Still yes. 320 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,320 Hi. 321 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:57,400 Hello. Have you come for the talk? 322 00:15:57,400 --> 00:16:00,080 Er, yeah. Richard Pritchard. 323 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,360 Ken's son? Yes. 324 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:04,520 But also...the actor. 325 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:06,840 But Ken's son? 326 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:11,360 Yes, but I'm also... Oh, haven't seen you since you were yea high. 327 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,920 Is there maybe a green room or a backstage area 328 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:15,400 I could chill out for a bit? 329 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:18,400 I wasn't sure if you wanted to keep my appearance under wraps. 330 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:21,800 Well, erm... 331 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,680 ..there's the kitchenette. 332 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:29,200 Yeah, it's fine, I'll probably just greet people as they come in. 333 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,600 Oh. 334 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,560 DOOR OPENS 335 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:45,880 Hi, there, hi. If you wouldn't mind just filling up from the front, 336 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,000 that would be...that'd be amazing. 337 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:51,160 You know, just to save the old voice. 338 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,800 Hi, Richard. Hi. Hi, Richard. 339 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,120 Hi. John, nice to meet you. Richard. 340 00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,960 Oh, don't worry, I've got one for you. Hi, Richard. 341 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:02,520 Oh, such a pleasure to be here. 342 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,000 Erm... 343 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,440 Hello, everyone! 344 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:10,560 I think that's everyone. 345 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,920 Oh, here's Emily. 346 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,520 Come in, dear. 347 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,480 I was just about to do the introduction. 348 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:19,320 Welcome, all. 349 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:21,760 Er... Welcome. 350 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:26,680 As we all know, occasionally we get very lucky with our timing 351 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:32,280 and happen to have a meeting when an actor of incredible calibre 352 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:37,680 is in town, and tonight is one of those lucky nights. 353 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:41,320 We are huge fans of this person's work. 354 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,520 Thank you, thank you. 355 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:47,160 That's so kind, and it's such a pleasure to be here, 356 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,360 but honestly, I do get a bit embarrassed 357 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:52,560 when people are gushing on, so I'm happy to take it from here. 358 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:55,400 But... So, what I was thinking, 359 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,800 I might start off by saying a few words 360 00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:02,120 and then just open it up to questions. 361 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:04,800 Er, erm... 362 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:07,000 What is an actor? 363 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,480 I am, I'm an actor. 364 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:12,840 Erm, but... 365 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:15,200 ..I wasn't always. 366 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:18,560 Before, I was just like you... 367 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:20,840 Er, you're still here. 368 00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:23,880 Just to finish my speech, if I could! 369 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,480 OK, OK, yeah, no, of course. 370 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,800 I'll try not to blush too much this time. 371 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,240 Yes. 372 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:32,280 So, where was I? 373 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:38,480 Oh, yes. We are such a huge fan of this person's work... 374 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:42,280 Again, thank you. ..and I think we were all devastated 375 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:45,520 when we thought that she could no longer be with us, 376 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:50,920 but she has graciously changed her plans to be here tonight. 377 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:54,200 Please welcome to the stage... 378 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,760 Lydia Bartlett! 379 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,000 WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE 380 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:02,520 Mwah. Lovely. 381 00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:06,280 Good luck... Er, break a leg. Richard. 382 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,160 Hello, Forres. SHE CHUCKLES 383 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:13,160 How lovely to be here with you all tonight. 384 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:19,240 So, the thing about improvisation... 385 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,120 ..is you should never fear it. 386 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:25,000 If you fully and truly inhabit your character, 387 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:28,000 if you think like them, then you will act like then. 388 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,440 I always think you should know what your character had for breakfast. 389 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:34,160 You see, I don't agree with that. No, me neither. 390 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,720 Right, well, let's give it a go, shall we? 391 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:38,760 Can I have a volunteer from the floor? 392 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,880 Over here. Oh. Over here! Not her. 393 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,800 Pick me, pick me! Yes, er, Richard, was it? 394 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,680 Pritchard. Pritchard? Pritchard, yes, come on up. 395 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:50,400 I actually have an unfair advantage, I'm a professional actor. 396 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:53,160 Oh, well, I'll...I'll pick somebody else, then. 397 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:55,840 No, no, no, no, I don't mind if they don't mind. Do you guys mind? 398 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:57,600 They don't mind. 399 00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,000 Great. Well, as you're a professional, 400 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,280 we'll take off the stabilisers! Ha-ha! 401 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:03,840 Come on up. 402 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:06,120 You've trained in improvisation, have you? 403 00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,640 No, but, erm... 404 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:11,680 ..I did a great ad-lib on an episode of Detective Manners, 405 00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:14,600 a show I was in. Erm... No, I don't know it. 406 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:17,280 Er, well, they...they cut it. 407 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:20,960 Erm, in fact, they cut the whole scene, actually. 408 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:24,360 Medically speaking, they should cut them all. 409 00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:25,960 Don't listen to her. 410 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:29,200 OK, then. Well, we'll play to your strengths. Nice and easy. 411 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:32,080 Yeah. You play the doctor, I'm the patient, 412 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:35,040 and remember to inhabit the character. 413 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,760 Yes, doctor. 414 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:38,600 Erm... Oh, no, I'm the doctor. 415 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,480 Yeah, you're the doctor, I'm the patient. Mm. 416 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:43,240 Do you need me to go over it one more time? No, no, I'm fine. 417 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:45,320 Right, well, into character, 418 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,200 and then, in your own time. 419 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,440 What seems to be the problem? I need to see a doctor 420 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,480 right now. I'm so sorry, that's my bad, 421 00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,920 cos I think maybe you should have clarified 422 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,920 who's going to speak first. Do you want to start? 423 00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:58,640 No, no, it doesn't matter. 424 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,560 You just go with it. 425 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:03,240 In real life, people speak over each other all the time. 426 00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,040 Yeah, sorry. It's OK. 427 00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:08,120 Don't worry about it. You're a pro, you've got this. 428 00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:11,240 I'm just a bit nervous, you're Lydia Bartlett. 429 00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:12,840 Yes, I know I am. 430 00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:15,520 Right, let's try again. 431 00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:21,840 I'm... Actually, can I...can I not be the doctor? 432 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:25,200 It's just that I've played a doctor for the last ten years. 433 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,960 Terribly. Will you stop?! 434 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:31,160 It'd just be nice to try something different, you know? 435 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,640 Not get type cast. What would you suggest? 436 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:37,080 Oh, I can do anything, you know? I could go, like, super dark, 437 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,520 like I'm a pimp and you're a prostitute. 438 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:41,560 Why would you do that? You're a national treasure. 439 00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,360 Erm, I don't know, maybe, erm... 440 00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:46,960 ..you're a drug dealer and I'm a cop? 441 00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,000 Great, let's do that. Great. 442 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:52,240 So, into character, and then, in your own time. 443 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,000 What kind of drugs? 444 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:55,960 We'll discover that during the scene. Hmm. 445 00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,080 Good luck. I'm fine. 446 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,280 Do you want to start? It doesn't matter, OK? 447 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,800 Yeah, OK. Here we go. 448 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,840 Here it comes. 449 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:12,280 Right, I'll get it this... 450 00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:18,000 Oi! You're getting arrested for dealing drugs. 451 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,480 Drugs? No, officer... 452 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,840 ..this is just a normal bakery. 453 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:29,240 You can...you can take it anywhere. 454 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:31,560 Yeah, I'm sorry. Just in my mind, we're on a street corner. 455 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:35,080 Why? Because I'm undercover and you've sold me drugs. 456 00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,040 Well, don't tell me that. 457 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:38,480 No, no, but in the end... 458 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,480 Look, well, we don't know what the end is, this is improv. 459 00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:44,200 Let's just...just go back into it. 460 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:48,840 OK, I'll cut you the same deal as I made for Chief Inspector Daniels. 461 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,120 His price was 10%, 462 00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:54,480 but you, you look more like a 2% kind of guy. 463 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:57,720 We got a deal? 464 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:04,640 HE SIGHS 465 00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:13,960 Er... 466 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:15,440 Anything? 467 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,120 Er... 468 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:31,440 Mm-hm. 469 00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:34,360 OK, erm... 470 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,880 Big fat round of applause, everyone, for Pritchard. 471 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:41,920 SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE 472 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:47,320 You...you can go and sit down now. 473 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:06,720 You all right? 474 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,320 I've been better. 475 00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:14,360 At least she'll always remember the time she met Richard Pritchard. 476 00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:18,720 Yeah, so she got back in touch to say that she could make it 477 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:20,680 after all. Mm. 478 00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:24,320 I mean, I did try to call you. I must have left you 100 messages. 479 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:26,000 Yeah, my phone's broken. 480 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:27,840 Oh! 481 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:29,640 Never meet your heroes, eh? 482 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,240 I'm sorry. 483 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,480 Oh, come on, how about I buy you a pint? 484 00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:36,520 I don't think I'd be much company tonight. 485 00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:38,280 Oh, nice to meet you, Richard. 486 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,440 Oh, I'm sorry I called you a prostitute. 487 00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:43,160 Oh, ha-ha. I've had worse! 488 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,240 Can I ask you a quick question? 489 00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:48,680 Yeah, but... You're here doing Who Do You Think You Are? 490 00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:50,120 Are you from Forres? 491 00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:52,880 No, no, as it turns out, there are no blood ties here. 492 00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:55,440 Oh, thank God. Phew. 493 00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:57,840 Not that we wouldn't want you. 494 00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:01,120 Erm, do you mind if we get a quick photo? 495 00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:03,480 Well, actually, I-I am in a bit of a rush now. 496 00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:04,920 Oh. 497 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,400 OK, yep, sure. 498 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,640 Do you mind taking it? Are you sure? Yeah. 499 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,600 Here. OK? Yep. SHUTTER SNAPS 500 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:19,360 Thank you, my dad is such a big fan. 501 00:25:19,360 --> 00:25:22,080 Your dad, but not you? No, no, no, no, I am too, 502 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,200 it's just that he's in... 503 00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:27,440 ..hospital. 504 00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:29,920 Er, hate to kick a man when he's down, 505 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:33,040 but your eyes are closed in this one. Oh, ah. 506 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:34,680 Of course they are. 507 00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:45,160 Oh, sorry I took so long. 508 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,800 Ah, yeah, yeah, how was it? 509 00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:52,000 It was the single worst experience of my life. 510 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,160 Well, as long as you had fun, son. 511 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,200 DAD CHUCKLES 512 00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:01,240 Everything OK? Well, ha... 513 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,560 Apparently, I had a wee bit of a heart attack the other night. 514 00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:09,720 What? Aye, apparently that was the pain in my shoulder and my jaw. 515 00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,240 So the EPD... ECG. 516 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:15,000 Aye, exactly. Well, it wasn't great, 517 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,520 so they took me down and they've X-rayed me, 518 00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:21,040 and apparently I've got four blocked arteries! 519 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,880 How many are you supposed to have, do you know? 520 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:29,160 Erm, no blocked arteries at all, I'm guessing? 521 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:31,360 Aye, well, that kind of makes sense. 522 00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:34,240 So what's next? 523 00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:37,040 Well, they're going to keep me in overnight, 524 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:40,920 and tomorrow they're going to give me a heart bypass. 525 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:43,240 What?! No, you're not... 526 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:45,640 Aye, aye, it's fine, it's fine. I spoke to the chap, 527 00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:48,280 the doctor who's going to do it, he says he does it all the time, 528 00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:51,720 he says...he says, "I could do it with my eyes closed." 529 00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:54,080 Oh, he said that? 530 00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:55,840 No, he didn't say that, 531 00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,160 but I was kind of reading between the lines, you know? 532 00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,200 DAD SNIFFLES 533 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,480 Anyway... 534 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,760 ..will you nip out and get me some crisps or something? 535 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:11,040 Because, well, the buggers want me to fast from midnight. 536 00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:13,400 I'll get you a banana. 537 00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,320 Ah. 538 00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:17,160 OK, a banana. 539 00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:21,680 Richard? 540 00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:27,640 Am I going to be OK? 541 00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,160 Yeah... 542 00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:33,680 ..of course you are. 543 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:35,520 I'll be right back, OK? 544 00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:40,360 Aye, OK. 545 00:27:58,120 --> 00:28:00,160 BEEPING 546 00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:09,160 Did I tell you... 547 00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:11,720 ..Kathleen Rutherford's son had a wee girl? 548 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:17,040 No, you didn't. 549 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:20,520 They're going to call her Pippa. Ha! 550 00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,960 8lb 11oz. 551 00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:24,960 And what a head of hair... 552 00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:26,720 Actually, you did tell me. 553 00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:28,520 Oh.